Experimentation

[NJS]

For a closer look to our past(s) read this Photo History of Male Affection.

I think the Sicilians, in general, are about as macho as men are allowed to be anymore (and their native women and female tourists, who often come to sample the wares, love them for it.) But Sicilian men embrace each other and exchange a kiss on meeting the same way women do.

As an adopted Sicilian, I do the same. Sometimes when visitors come down to the island from abroad, they are greeted with a solid hug my yours truly. If the inadvertent trauma has affected any of you, I publicly apologize.

Cheers

It's very similar in Brazil, so far as a right-and-left embrace is concerned; although often between men is is abbreviated to just saying 'I hug you'; the two kisses seem to be reserved between the sexes but they are not 'air kisses'. Again, I think that the Latin temperament and conditioning (or lack of it) has more to do with it than anything and is in stark comparison with the 'reserve' of the Anglo-American 'tradition'.

I can recall two particular events from early in our arrival here. The first was when the former owner of the house and his daughter came to stop by one day and, when they left, she (a twenty something lovely, with tumbling hair), flung her arms around us both in turn and hung and nestled in for several seconds before letting go. I was greatly relieved that she had included my Good Lady in this exercise as, otherwise, I imagine that I would have 'received words' afterwards and, besides, her father and her boyfriend (holding onto a very large dog) were just feet away but, in the event, this was just a very normal way for her of bidding a warm 'farewell'.

The other occasion involved an electrician who has often done work for us and, one day, in the supermarket, I saw him and he also flung his arms wide and advanced, smiling; leaving me, a chilly Briton, just standing there like a sour lemon, vaguely worried and holding out my paw, in a way that I instantly regretted as I must have appeared, according to his standards, vaguely offensive or, at least, gauche. Still, we live and learn.

The modern British 'reserve' is undoubtedly down to a conditioning along Victorian lines, which is still alive and kicking well over a hundred years after Queen Victoria died. It was probably also compounded by those affected by the two World Wars.

NJS

[hectorm]

By the way, do you like the patch ticket pocket on Gauguin's coat?

As expected of a true cloisonnist who carried the appreciation of that style from the stretched canvases to his patch pockets.

[Frederic Leighton]

As expected of a true cloisonnist who carried the appreciation of that style from the stretched canvases to his patch pockets.

Brilliant!

But Sicilian men embrace each other and exchange a kiss on meeting the same way women do. As an adopted Sicilian, I do the same.

Thank you, Alden, for sharing your thoughts and reminding me of Sicily! When a student I shared a flat with a Sicilian who soon became my best friend. We used to spend each night walking in empty streets, holding each other's arm in homage to the Sicilian tradition and restlessly talking of music, philosophy, poetry, food and girls (not always in this order).

The modern British 'reserve' is undoubtedly down to a conditioning along Victorian lines, which is still alive and kicking well over a hundred years after Queen Victoria died.

Thank you for your funny stories, NJS! Sticking to my Italian habit of shaking hands is not easy here in London. Brits often look at me and at my stretched arm in a way that I struggle to decipher, even though I tend to read the expression on their faces as a what do you want exactly from me?. I just keep my arm out and get my handshake.

To go back to the core of this conversation, any thought about experimentation and the way you see yourself? ..stories about the time you went out overdressed or under-dressed due to an excess of creativity will also do.

[alden]

Once upon a time in London many, many years ago I was out on the town accompanied by the son of the owner of a well know Northampton shoemaker and a chap whose only claim to fame was they he was a long time companion of Luchino Visconti (until he was replaced by Alain Delon.)

I was dressed in a nicely cut DB suit for the evenings activities while my companions were more casually attired. We had hit a few moderately posh places when it occurred to my pals to visit one of the most fashionable night clubs of the day.

“But we can’t go there dressed like this, we would have to change somehow”, one said, as we planned the rest of the evenings activities.

“Not a problem”, I offered, “if you guys have some clothes to change into then I would be happy to wait for you.”

Both of the fellows looked at each other, had a good laugh, and one said, “Oh well, our dress isn’t the problem, its YOU that has to change. No one would let you in dressed like that!”

[NJS]

I can recall a time, in the late 1980s, when my (slightly younger) late sister and I, both between relationships, used to go out together at night; generally to her choice of venue: which ranged from the bar under the Everyman Theatre, in Hampstead, to various funky clubs (of her choosing), in town. We were both always in what (I suppose) might be described as sombre 'business dress'. I don't recall us ever actually being turned away from anywhere - from the smartest, to even the seediest, of places.

The downside was that absolutely everyone we met started on the premise that we were an 'ideal couple' and, so (true) protestations that we were just brother and sister were totally ignored. Neither of us ever actually, ever got anywhere. We invariably ended-up dissecting, together, the remains of the night, over cups of cocoa and in a fug of smoke, as the misty, London dawn broke over the tree-tops of Acol Road.

NJS

P.S. Frederic - I am surprised that you find that the offer of shaking hands is nearly rebuffed! Maybe modern Britain is, in some quarters, returning to the Georgian splendour of a slight bow. Just don't be fooled by this and ever be caught, in your own experimenting, daring openly to smoke tobacco or take snuff - or they will, probably, march you off to the remains of the Marshalsea gaol! (Worth a visit, by the way!).
NJS

[Frederic Leighton]

...and a chap whose only claim to fame was they he was a long time companion of Luchino Visconti.

Wonderful story, Alden! Luchino Visconti?! oh my! (Here an interesting article about Visconti and his cult of aesthetics.)

Maybe modern Britain is, in some quarters, returning to the Georgian splendour of a slight bow.

Thank you for sharing some memories, NJS! Also, your note reminded me of last Saturday - just before visiting Fortnum&Mason, I popped in at Budd attracted by a pile of starched, detachable collars. They were £2.50 each (WOW!) and I bought 4. At the moment of paying the clerk informed me that I could have 2 for free, but I couldn't be bothered to go through the pile once again to find the right size. I don't know whether this was due to my anachronistic fedora and double breasted 1930's style overcoat, but when I said goodbye he kindly replied and.. slightly bowed! Now that I think about it, I must confess I'm tempted to adopt this beautiful ritual

[NJS]

Frederic Leighton - Mr Rowley always bows. I remember either the front-of-house man, Mr Webster, or my old cutter, Mr Matthews, at Davies & Son used to see customers out by making sure that they preceded them to the door; which they opened, and bowed one through, evidencing the fact that they had been taught to do this, in despite of all the intervening wars and economic depressions, in an unbroken line of continuity, from 1803. Quite charming.
NJS

[Frederic Leighton]

Charming indeed, NJS! Thank you for sharing!

[Frederic Leighton]

I travel by tube for hours every day. Winter is the time when I realize that people wearing silly hats and hoodies in shape of animals (I recently saw a panda, a wolf and a cat) pass more unnoticed than people wearing a bow-tie.

[Costi]

Perhaps the animal hoodies look so natural on them that people don't take it for a disguise

In fact it's just as easy to look like a jester with an animal hoodie as it is with a bow tie. The (silent) reactions ranging from "What a clown!" through "Funny guy " and all the way to "Hmm, I never thought a bow tie could look so great - I have to get one" depend entirely upon the wearer.

[cathach]

Interestingly I know a fella that does the opposite: acting very effeminate so that no one will mistake him for being straight!

BB

Oh what a twisted web we weave when at first we practise to deceive! Truly such interactions are full of pitfalls. We 'straights' as well must wonder when trying to dress well, are we too proper, too neat, too well dressed indeed to be considered meet for the opposite sex.

For those of you who may be fans of The Ginger Man by JP Donleavy, one of the enduring memories of the book is the anti-hero well clothed and fed at last declaring the fantastic quality of the Donegal tweed 4 guineas a yard at least as he walks the streets of London. How many men can openly declare an interest in tweed, or cloth, fine porcelain etc.? Despite the breaking down of gendered roles there are areas that seem even more and more to be frankly illiberal.

[NJS]

How many men can openly declare an interest in tweed, or cloth, fine porcelain etc.? Despite the breaking down of gendered roles there are areas that seem even more and more to be frank illiberal.

The Crane boys. Moreover, the very selective 'liberalism' of the age is reflected everywhere.

[Frederic Leighton]

Having said that, modern generations have always had their contemporary fictional male 'heroes'. [..] I am not sure that any such template has ever been represented by any hero of epicene appearance and effeminate behaviour; probably because, despite all the mighty noise of the 'right-on' minority pressure groups of the modern age, it would not have any real mass appeal; which, in the final analysis, is just as well for the survival of the species

For more about this -- and about Men, Dress, and Consumer Culture in Britain, 1860-1914 -- see The Cut of His Coat. I guess there might be a review of this book somewhere in the LL. I'm in the last 10 pages and found it enlightening. Below few excerpts.

This study is thus a sketch of what kinds of dress, consumption and class performance were privileged as "proper" and what were pathologized as "deviant". It aims to complicate, problematize, and thereby enhance our understanding of Victorian masculinity through a closer examination of the complex and sometimes contradictory trends of men's fashion at turn of the century.

In our own time, when social theorists and cultural critics increasingly turn their focus on the potential dangers and consequences of our highly commercial, media-saturated, image-conscious, beauty-obsessed mall culture, it is especially useful to look back at the origins of consumer culture and the ways it shaped the social, sexual, and class identities of the Victorians.

[..] a gentleman was expected to dress so that others were unaware of the performance and accepted it unconsciously. The wearing of ostentatious or class-contrary costume by dandies and mashers threatened the status quo for all by revealing the artificiality of class distinctions.

[Frederic Leighton]

Found this article on ES Magazine of today. It helped me enjoy even the rush-hour commute through London Bridge.