The Observance of Propriety

[rodes]

Last week I attended a funeral in which I was one in four of perhaps thirty men who wore a coat and tie. The week before I hosted a semi-formal wedding that was a little better; I was one in perahps twenty of sixty. The month before that a christening that was similar. It struck me that these three events are the most important affairs in one's earthly life and need to be set aside with due respect and ceremony. Has Western society not done so for hundreds of years. Where has propriety gone? Can it be retrieved?

[Gruto]

This is why "dressing for the occasion" doesn't work well today. You will end up in pre-washed jeans and t-shirt, because that is the style of today, even at very special occasions like the ones you mention.

It might be better to "dress for story", that is, dressing for people's imagination. Many will appreciate that, even if they prefer casual clothing themselves.

[Rowly]

I always have and always will dress for these occasions because I would feel uncomfortable any other way, regardless of what others do. It's just a matter of decorum. I don't have any views on those that attend in jeans, other than regret at how many are swayed by the popular gravitational pull downwards towards the lowest common denominator of human behaviour. Apparently, it's not cool to have any standards.

[Gruto]

I always have and always will dress for these occasions because I would feel uncomfortable any other way, regardless of what others do. It's just a matter of decorum. I don't have any views on those that attend in jeans, other than regret at how many are swayed by the popular gravitational pull downwards towards the lowest common denominator of human behaviour. Apparently, it's not cool to have any standards.

The problem with dressing for the occasion is that the occasion often says jeans and buttondown shirt. The dress of the occasion is what most people wear. That is why it better to dress for the story, as Guy Talese has said.

In regards to the moral of dressing in informal daywear (jeans, tshirt etc.) at weddings, funerals etc., I think modern man is simply uncomfortable with ceremonial occasions. He doesn' get the logic.

[Rowly]

The problem with dressing for the occasion is that the occasion often says jeans and buttondown shirt. The dress of the occasion is what most people wear. That is why it better to dress for the story, as Guy Talese has said.

In regards to the moral of dressing in informal daywear (jeans, tshirt etc.) at weddings, funerals etc., I think modern man is simply uncomfortable with ceremonial occasions. He doesn' get the logic.

I dress for myself and as a form of self expression. If I were to conform to what most people wear..I would get a tattoo and bite my nails, neither of which would express who I really am. The only story I am interested in is the one my dress tells to my nephews...that it is good to be an Individual and not run with the sheep, to be your own man, and while showing respect and consideration to others, to be yourself with quiet unapologetic confidence.

[Costi]

In regards to the moral of dressing in informal daywear (jeans, tshirt etc.) at weddings, funerals etc., I think modern man is simply uncomfortable with ceremonial occasions. He doesn' get the logic.

That might be it...

[cathach]

Its important as well to remember that appearing at an event such as these dressed too formally is even worse. I'll never forget being at a funeral once, where I started walking and the rest of the cortege stayed about 15 yards behind me. It was a while before I twigged it, as I was the only person wearing a black overcoat they thought I was a mourner and gave me the distance respect demanded!

[Rowly]

As long as you weren't wearing the wooden overcoat...it could have been much worse!

[couch]

I'm reviving this thread to post this link to a story in today's MarketWatch. The reporter claims to observe a trend across socioeconomic levels and across ages toward a more dressed-up and less casual style for many occasions. She cites some vendor sales numbers to support this, though it's pretty anecdotal and slim evidence. She also posits more male interest in 'fashion and online shopping.' It will be interesting to see if there's something to the trend. Some of the "newness" she remarks on from vendors is actually revival/updating of classic items from before the denim and fleece era. Anything--even fashion--that ups the general level of sartorial self-respect is surely to the good, and in the last century or two, hard times have often coincided with taking dress a little more seriously.

[davidhuh]

Dear Couch,

traveling a lot in Western Europe, I can confirm this.

I see more people than ever, and especially young ones, wearing suits, ties and pocket squares. I noticed for the first time about two years ago.

cheers, David