To seduce oneself or to seduce the other

[Gruto]

A dresses for himself. He has a vision that he persues regardsless of what other people may say or think. B has a different take on dressing. He dresses strategically. He puts on navy blue suit because he is going to an important meeting. Who has style? None of them. Only C has style. Who is C? C dresses in whatever feels right to him staying true to his own vision. However, he doesn't become incomprehensible or a Don Quijote like character. Like a book of Thomas Mann or a piece of Mahler or a Beatles song did when they came out, he is able to combine a personal vision with a popular voice. He is not only seducing himself but other people as well.

Everybody wants to be Cary Grant. Even I want to be Cary Grant.

[alden]

The better you know yourself the more seductive you will be to others. It’s a pretty practical formula for success in seduction. Know what makes you feel your best. Know what makes you appear in the best light possible.

This will mean things like knowing how to maintain yourself physically: what weight is ideal, how much sleep you need, how much exercise you require to feel vigorous, what diet suits you etc. You will also understand what clothes, colors, fabrics bring out the best in you. The environments you frequent, clubs, bars, restaurants will be those that are conducive to your comfort, excitement or need for adventure. The company you keep, the number of mistresses, friends who challenge you, friends who laugh with you, friends who drink till late hours with you will be the circle of your intimate contacts.

If you must attend an important meeting or event, then the clothes that make you feel the best should be worn, and if you are a bit sensitive, they will also be the clothes best suited for that specific occasion.

I am convinced that men lose Style potential exponentially when they try to assume a fashion that belongs to others, tune to the popular trend or try to “strategically” do something to please others. Be true to yourself and you will set the fashion. Be true to yourself and you will instinctively please others. The ease and confidence you exude will inspire confidence and pleasure in others. It’s the Style golden rule: “If you are comfortable with yourself, you will look comfortable to others, and others will feel comfortable around you.” You will not be comfortable, no matter how many hours you spend trying to look the part, if the role is not made by you and for you.

To maximize your seductive potential, always play to your strengths and to do so, you have to know what they are. And to know what they are, you have to know (and believe) in yourself.

Cheers

M Alden

[Costi]

C dresses in whatever feels right to him staying true to his own vision. However, he doesn't become incomprehensible or a Don Quijote like character.

A man of such strong and incomprehensible vision is such a rare danger... Given the low numbers, I am ready to accept these exceptional A's as they come. However, I have little sympathy for imitators and impersonators of C's that do everything for the mere sake of drawing attention. In most happy cases, Style spins a yarn out of a bundle of possibilities - you recognize the raw material, the inspiration, but the yarn has an original twist to it, remains unique and workable into more complex forms.
B's, the strategic dressers, the erudite depositaries and fierce guardians of Rules, are the celibates of Style, whose endless talk about dress remains sterile as long as they don't make the effort to look inside.

[alden]

Costi

The way I read Gruto’s words is A+B=C. The C character dresses for himself but knows when and where to toe the line and conform either to the exigencies of the moment or those of fashion.

I think a good deal of what Gruto is describing happens naturally. Let me give an example. If I have to attend a swank party in the evening, I would not feel comfortable in jeans, or a tweed suit, a blazer, a pinstripe suit or a sportscoat. I would wear a mid to dark grey suit because I will feel more at ease doing so. My own twist to the gray suit will bring me to choose a herringbone or a birdseye as opposed to a plain gray suit. (The one plain gray in my wardrobe reserved primarily for funerals.) The point is that I don’t choose the gray suit because the rules tell me to do so, or to bow to pressure from others. I wear it because I feel more myself in this attire than any other.

If I am invited to a picnic party in the country, I would not feel comfortable in a gray suit. I will prefer a tweed suit or a tweed sportscoat etc. If I am invited to a Halloween costume party, I will dress the way ordinary people do and that is frightening enough for me!

Though I admire Cervantes greatly and have recently learned a few wonderful speeches from his work (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttTDDa5r ... re=related), I have never felt like a walking and talking anachronism from La Mancha. To the contrary, I am often, and against my own will, called upon to offer advice to those seeking conversion from the depths of the dumpster that is modern fashion.

Cheers

M Alden

[Merc]

T
It’s the Style golden rule: “If you are comfortable with yourself, you will look comfortable to others, and others will feel comfortable around you.” You will not be comfortable, no matter how many hours you spend trying to look the part, if the role is not made by you and for you.

i have always agreed with this for myself ..both physically comfortable in terms of fit and temperature, but also comfortable with the visual appearance

and it reminds me of one night more than 15 years ago, i was in a nightclub in New York and there was a young lady ( early 20's) on the dance floor who was wearing a short pink dress that had a 2-3 inch band of clear plastic right across the center of her chest. she obviously intended to be sexy (and it certainly caught one's attention) but she was so uncomfortable in that outfit that she looked utterly tortured, and after about 15 minutes she put her coat on and didnt take it off the rest of the night.