UC
I think you just need a tailor who will do what you want them to do now that you know what you want them to do.

Sounds easy, but it is not. We have all been in exactly these shoes.
The shoulder does not need padding if extended a reasonable amount unless you refuse a more rounded look, as opposed to square. The more extension without padding, the rounder the look. My own coats are either not extended at all or very little because I have broad, square shoulders. I prefer a rounded look to offset my square shoulders. A person with rounded or drooping shoulders might want a little squaring up to neutralize the rounding or drooping.This balancing is part of the work that tailors, theoretically speaking, are supposed to do. Mine do. Most don't.
My advice to all men is to err on the side of a slightly wider shoulder than a slightly narrow one. I would suggest the opposite for women depending on their chest measurements.
Cheers