Perhaps the issue is the utility function itself and trying to associate happiness to it (so you can measure it - because, if my guess about your profession is right, it doesn't exist otherwise).
One doesn't look for much meaning in drinking a glass of water when thirsty - but one does act on the illusion that, once the glass is emptied, it will feel better. In fact, that's precisely what gives it utility - an illusion of happiness. Beyond that, so much of what we do (or I do...?!) is gratuitous. Let's admit it is meaning that we are looking for - and, when (we think) we found it, what do we do with it? It simply makes us feel better - about the world, about ourselves. That's the fleeting and unstable, poor relative of happiness. We will soon be thirsty again. That's the "illusion" that the "engine" is about: happiness as a function of time, with a tendency to decrease as soon as we stop
doing something to keep it up to increase it.
But what if happiness were a fundamental state, rather than what is measured in terms of relative preference with the help of a utility function (created
because happiness could not be measured directly)? And what if being happy makes one see meaning clearly all around? And what if, in absence of this fundamental state happiness, one is denied access to meaning, being limited to inventing one's own or do without? Then, perhaps, one begins to fit the description which hectorm has long finished chewing
And if so, I think I'd rather be a happy idiot with a bit of faith in something. I might grow into one some day soon. Who knows, I might even start a business