The Social Constitution of Taste

[storeynicholas]

"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies." Groucho Marx, an individualist.
NJS

I thought that was management consulting .

Frog in Suit

If we all sacked them, we'd save enough meaningfully to invest in better projects. The savings would come from the cost of the alcohol in entertaining them and then the cost of the alcohol in forgetting the problems caused by ever having met them in the first place...
NJS

[shredder]

"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies." Groucho Marx, an individualist.
NJS

I thought that was management consulting .

Frog in Suit

Brilliant!!

[ccox]

A few random thoughts.

Michael, I believe you've already listed one of the attributes: supreme confidence. That was one of Sinatra's strong points, if my readings are any indication. He "had them all" because he was confident in his ability to do so. His swagger announced it. Add to that the ability to focus on one woman/person intently (as Cary Grant is said to have done and what makes him remembered as a generous actor) to the exclusion of others and you're half way there. Focus draws the subject of your efforts in -- we all like nothing more than talking about ourselves. We're greedy for the opportunity. The conversation doesn't have to be predictable though.

Sinatra's having worked through the Great American Songbook has to have helped. Sing that many love songs and you may learn a thing or two. Peter Cincotti, a young crooner of today, was once asked why he didn't sing torch songs. "Let me have my heart broken a few times first" replied the 18 year old.

So confidence and focus... in other words paying attention to little things. Your clothing doesn't announce itself by its ostentation, rather it does so by its fit and harmony because you paid attention, focused on the task at hand and had the confidence and experience to communicate your desires. Sounds like a job interview or preparing to ask for a phone number at a party.

As an afterthought, I might add humour. Grant had it in spades. All the greats do. His clothing and sophisticated and elegant persona never stopped him from executing a flip or letting loose with a huge laugh. Wear your perfect tailoring like Astaire -- like you would your gardening clothes or pyjamas -- and you show through not your garments. Wear your successes as lightly: "Everybody wants to be Cary Grant.... "

[couch]

I'm sure this is right. In a much more demotic register, several years ago I was constantly getting email spam from some guy touting his foolproof system for picking up women--sort of at the manipulative level of Neil "Wingman" Strauss's The Game but written in words of one syllable. From what the email teasers implied, the whole system boiled down to two words: cocky and funny. He seemed to think women were hard-wired by evolution to respond to assertively confident, funny guys, even when their intellects resisted. Who knows, he may be correct--I'd just as soon leave the more obnoxious behavior to somebody else. But one could see Grant as a courteous version of these traits. Maybe Gable is closer to what he had in mind--treat 'em rough.

Astaire's film characters, at least in the '30s, were often self-deprecating and nervous rather than confident (except on the dance floor), but insanely persistent in their pursuit of the damsel. In real life this is also a very annoying trait to the object of the pursuit, until it suddenly becomes flattering and attractive. I suppose that kind of persistence is a kind of confidence--confidence that the effort will eventually be rewarded. I've actually known two men who displayed that kind of apparently hopeless persistence, to have it pay off. I was a friend of one of the women in question, and asked her, once she had been softened, what she saw in the fellow. "He's just so devoted," she said. "It's really very touching."

[storeynicholas]

Of course, these days, such persistence can end up in Court, with civil and criminal proceedings for harassment!
NJS.

[couch]

Alas, it's true!

[ccox]

I believe that one can still act the gentleman whilst in pursuit or being pursued. That would mean no stalking, no annoying cockiness, no clownish behaviour. In fact, we may add, good manners to the list. In today's world, along with being well-dressed, good manners get noticed. Those displaying them are too few and far between. I can't tell you the number of times my wife has been complimented on my behaviour simply because I stand when a woman arrives at or leaves the table or I pull out a chair for her.

[storeynicholas]

Prosecutor to a 'victim' in a harassment case:
"Now, Miss Jones, please tell the Court what the Defendant did."
Reply:
"He persistently sent every week, for at least six months: six dozen roses; half a dozen Hermes scarves; some antique items such as Faberge compacts; Floris scents and bottles upon bottles of Louis Roederer Cristal 1996. Last week he even managed to find a bottle from 1928 but it was well past its best and quite spoiled my appetite. The result of all this harassment is that my nerves are in tatters. I can't eat sleep, work or rest; I have developed hay fever, skin allegies and I am seldom sober. The Defendant has ruined my entire life."
NJS

[shredder]

Add to that the ability to focus on one woman/person intently (as Cary Grant is said to have done and what makes him remembered as a generous actor) to the exclusion of others and you're half way there.

That's right. It was his wife Betsy Drake or his bit on the side Sophia Loren but not both at the same time.

[ccox]

Too crowded a field limits one's chances. Flynn would tell you there's win, place and show, though.