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Great One Liners

Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 1:18 pm
by storeynicholas
Maybe members could make a little collection of favourite (maybe lesser knownn) one liners. One of my very favourites is from the poet and later Dean of St Paul's, John Donne - he eloped with his employer's daughter and ended up in prison until the marriage was declared lawful and he was released (although dismissed from his employment). These circumstances gave rise to the line:

John Donne, Anne Donne, Undonne.

NJS

Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 1:39 pm
by garu
Brilliant, NJS. Moving from the sublime to the ridiculous, this classic from Groucho Marx has always made me smile:

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend; inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Cheers!
garu

Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 1:43 pm
by pvpatty
More Groucho:


"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere."

"A man's only as old as the woman he feels."

"I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it."

"If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you."

"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas, I'll never know."

Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 2:10 pm
by oldog/oldtrix
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.

--Dwight D. Eisenhower

Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 2:33 pm
by garu
Groucho is in a league of his own, isn't he? As for Ike - well, perhaps everyone really *did* like him.

Perhaps this is not quite what you had in mind, NJS, but...

One of the most important novels in British fiction, I believe, is Evelyn Waugh's Brideshead Revisited (the book, please, not the trash now appearing in cinemas). In the novel, shortly after Mr Samgrass and Sebastian return from their tour of the Levant, Mr Samgrass gives a lantern slide presentation to Lady Marchmain and a small circle of guests, explaining the difficulty of traveling in territory where bands of brigands operate freely.

'And when we reached the top of the pass,' said Mr Samgrass, 'we heard the galloping horses behind, and two soldiers rode up to the head of the caravan and turned us back. The General had sent them, and they reached us only just in time. There was a Band, not a mile ahead.'

He paused, and his small audience sat silent, conscious that he had sought to impress them but in doubt as to how they could politely show their interest.

'A Band?' said Julia. 'Goodness!'

Still he seemed to expect more. At last Lady Marchmain said, 'I suppose the sort of folk-music you get in those parts is very monotonous...'


I'll keep it shorter next time, NJS!
garu

Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 2:33 pm
by Trey
Gentlemen:

Three of my favorites:

"I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly." Churchill

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then give up. There's no use in being a damn fool about it. ~W.C. Fields

Martinis are like breasts. One is not enough and three are too many. ~ Attributed to various folks.

Trey

Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 2:37 pm
by storeynicholas
It's all good stuff. Keep it coming!!
NJS

Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 2:38 pm
by Trey
Gentlemen:

If we are quoting U.S. Presidents, let's recognize one of my favorite one-liners by former first lady Barbara Bush on former President, William Jefferson Clinton. It goes like this.

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parked his car or where he lives, but a man never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." Barbara Bush

Trey

Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 2:56 pm
by garu
Well done, Trey, for opening a sub-theme! I'll take your Barbara Bush, and raise you an Ann Richards (the former Governor of Texas).

At the 1988 Democratic Party convention (USA), Richards commented on George H. W. Bush's seeming inability to speak in coherent sentences (a genetic trait inherited by his eldest son?):

Poor George, he can't help it. He was born with a silver foot in his mouth.

With that, I'm off to bed...
garu

Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 3:34 pm
by storeynicholas
Good night garu - we're about to have lunch! Of course, you are already in tomorrow.....
NJS

Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 4:00 pm
by marcelo
By a philosopher who seldom wore a suit:

“How do I show my approval of a suit? Chiefly by wearing it often, liking it when it is seen…”

Ludwig Wittgenstein

Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 4:32 pm
by storeynicholas
Marcelo - yes Wittgenstein would probably have got along very well with Cornelia Otis Skinner who observed that, in life we have to learn to draw our own confusions.
NJS

Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 5:10 pm
by RWS
Dorothy Parker, on a friend's misfortune: "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy."

Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 5:43 pm
by storeynicholas
A good number of these are new to me and quite delightful.
NJS

Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 5:52 pm
by Concordia
storeynicholas wrote:Marcelo - yes Wittgenstein would probably have got along very well with Cornelia Otis Skinner who observed that, in life we have to learn to draw our own confusions.
NJS
She once gave a rip-roaring keynote address to a Gynaecologists' Association convention, ending with the toast "bottoms up!"